30+ Best Andy Bernard Quotes from the The Office

October 4, 2021

The character of Andy Bernard on the NBC sitcom “The Office” is one of the most popular and well-loved characters in television history and for the same reason Andy Bernard Quotes are quite famous.

On the surface, Andy Bernard is a charming and highly competent workplace manager who seems to have it all together, but beneath this facade is a man with severe trust issues and an intense fear of failure.

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Kevin Malone Quotes from the The Office

Funny Andy Bernard Quotes

1. “Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes. It’s so powerful, even a lot of men can’t resist a man singing show tunes

Andy Bernard Quotes

2. “If you donated my computer to Africa, it would become famous as the slowest computer in Africa

Andy Bernard Quotes

3. “I’ve been trying to act and manage this branch. Half the time I don’t know if I’m wearing my stage makeup or my work makeup

Andy Bernard Quotes

4. “A word of advice, speaking as a former baby. Don’t get too hung up on baby names

Andy Bernard Quotes

5. Andy: You think it has anything to do with the incentive program?
Jim: Oh absolutely. People wanna see you tattoo your ass.

Andy Bernard Quotes

6. “I’m always thinking one step ahead, like a…carpenter…that makes stairs

Andy Bernard Quotes

7. “How do I find out if a girl is interested? Great question. I usually just assume that they’re not.

Andy Bernard Quotes

8. “I get super flexible when I’m nervous.

Andy Bernard Quotes

9. “Andy Bernard does not lose contests. He wins them. Or he quits them because they are unfair.

Andy Bernard Quotes

10. “Every little boy fantasizes about his fairytale wedding.

Andy Bernard Quotes

11. Andy: Ow, ow!
Tattoo Artist: That was just the cotton swab.
Andy: Invest in softer cotton, sir.

Andy Bernard Quotes

12. Andy: Chalk that one up to Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum out there.
Robert: Who are they?
Andy: They’re both Kevin!

Andy Bernard Quotes

13. “I’m petrified of nipple chafing. One it starts, it’s a vicious circle. You have sensitive nipples, they chafe, so they become more sensitive, so they chafe more. It’s a tough one. Gotta take precautions

Andy Bernard Quotes

14. “Michael, am I gay?.

Andy Bernard Quotes

15. “I’m the Nard-Dog. The Nard-Man is my father.

Andy Bernard Quotes

16. “I’m a little worried that I may have asked out Naughty Nelly instead of Erin. Which would be whole lot less appealing because Naughty Nelly says yes to everyone. And she might be a murderer.

Andy Bernard Quotes

17. “What I wouldn’t give for one of Phyllis’s classic room clearing farts right now.

Andy Bernard Quotes

Annoying Andy Bernard Quotes

18. “You can’t let a girl feel good about herself. It will backfire on you. Every compliment has to be backhanded. ‘Oh I like your dress, but I’d like it more if you had prettier hair’.

Andy Bernard Quotes

19. “Sorry I annoyed you with my FRIENDSHIP!

Andy Bernard Quotes

20. “I’ll be the number two guy here in Scranton in six weeks. How? Name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake

Andy Bernard Quotes

21. Kevin: Andy, I think we should acknowledge the man who has led us to such a profitable quarter…to Robert California.
Gabe: I would also like to toast Robert California.
Andy: You can’t triple toast somebody.

Andy Bernard Quotes

22. “Yeah so life gives you lemons and you just have to eat them rinds and all. And if you don’t want to eat them your ex girlfriend will shove them down your throat with the help of her hunky new boyfriend.

Andy Bernard Quotes

23. “You give me a gift? Bam! Thank You note. You invite me somewhere? Pow! RSVP. You do me a favor? Wham! Favor returned. Do not test my politeness.

Andy Bernard Quotes

24. “In my family, we don’t really go out and get things. We put them on a list and Rosa goes and gets them.

Andy Bernard Quotes

25. “Big Tuna is a super ambitious guy, you know? Cut-your-throat-to-get-ahead type of guy. But, I mean, I’m not threatened by him. I went to Cornell. Ever heard of it?

Andy Bernard Quotes

26. “I guess I don’t have what it takes to be a film critic. I could be a food critic…these muffins taste bad. Or maybe an art critic…that painting is…bad

Andy Bernard Quotes

Sensible Andy Bernard Quotes

27. “Toby, it’s a joke. How are you not murdered every hour?

Andy Bernard Quotes

28. “The weird thing is now I’m exactly where I want to be. I’ve got my dream job at Cornell, and I’m still just thinking about my old pals

Andy Bernard Quotes

29. “The male is a funny species. We don’t just tell each other how we feel

Andy Bernard Quotes

30. “Erin and I have our first date tonight. And it has to be perfect. Why? Because according to ‘How I Met Your Mother’, that’s the date that your kids are going to wait patiently to hear about and you’d better have a good story to tell them

Andy Bernard Quotes

31. “I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them

Andy Bernard Quotes

32. “I’m a terrible salesman, and I haven’t been making very many sales lately…or ever. This is my only idea on how to turn things around. If it goes badly, I might lose my job, which would suck, because this is the only job I’ve ever been good at

Andy Bernard Quotes

Andy Bernard: The Office Nard Dog

Generally dressed in pastel shades with braided wristbands, his fashion sense is a testament to his upper-class upbringing in the northeast.

You might consider him irritating, even most of his coworkers consider him that, but he shows a diligent and well-intentioned rapport with his work colleagues, though that fails to win him any good work relationships.

Andy Bernard sure ranks among the most annoying characters. As per a Screen Rant ranking, he is number 3 on the list of the most annoying characters in The Office. He was also ranked one of the most annoying characters in an old Vulture article.

Andy was introduced in the third season of The Office. The show was quick to unearth his anger issues. The merger of the Stamford and Scranton branches of Dunder Mifflin led him to join The Office’s main cast.

Love him or hate it, Andy’s personally-crafted tactic of “name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake” works pretty well to gain favor with those higher up even today, in pretty realistic situations!

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